An unexpected goodbye

His passing was extremely unexpected. He had suddenly started not being able to hold up his head and was hunched over. I took him to the vet that morning for some tests, which they rushed. Then I brought him home, and I went about my day not really too concerned. I knew he would be okay.

If you see your cat like this, get them to your vet immediately. It is a symptom of low potassium and can affect the heart if left too long.

Then at 4:43 that afternoon, our vet called to say Jasper had low potassium levels, and he wanted to know if I could bring him in so they could give him fluids overnight. He said if he was feeling better he’d be able to go home the next day. Of course, I said I could. Since the vet’s office closed at 5 o’clock, I quickly put Jasper in his carrier, grabbed his bag of food, and rushed out the door with him.

I dropped him off at the vet’s office at 5:10 and signed the necessary paperwork to give them permission to treat him. Our vet started treating him right away, and I wasn’t worried. Our vet is very good and was very familiar with Jasper.

So, I went home, told Tia her brother would be gone overnight and went about the things I usually do.

Jasper in one of his favorite spots. I always thought it was a strange place to sit.

When our vet called at 5:58, I wasn’t surprised or worried. I assumed it was just to give me an update on Jasper. I never expected him to tell me that Jasper had passed, that they had worked on him for 20 minutes trying to revive him. The vet thought it might have been a blood clot or his heart…

I honestly don’t remember everything the vet said.  My heart was crushed. I hadn’t been there when he passed. I hadn’t eased his way with soothing words of love. I hadn’t kissed his sweet forehead as he closed his eyes for the last time safe and secure in my arms.

No… Instead, I had taken him somewhere he hated to go and had given him to people he didn’t like. He didn’t know they were trying to help him. He didn’t know they were friendly and loved him too. He didn’t know that I would come back for him. All his knew was he was didn’t like what was being done to him, and he was scared in his last conscious moments.

Those were the thoughts that went through my mind at that moment when the vet told me Jasper was gone. The world crashed in around me as I sat on the floor alone and heartbroken. It was too late to explain to Jasper that I was doing something to make him feel better, that I never expected this to be the outcome.

Jasper loved to play with tennis balls. He’d drop them down the basement stairs, then he would race down after them and bring them back up, only to repeat the process again.

Somehow, I made it through the night, although I’m not sure how much I slept. The next morning, Jim went to the vet’s office and picked up Jasper and paid the final bill. I couldn’t bring myself to go.

When I opened the cardboard box that Jasper was in, for just a brief moment, I thought he was sleeping. He looked so peaceful and healthy. I don’t know how he could look more healthy in that final slumber than he did when I took him for treatment the day before, but he did.

I cannot explain why, but seeing him made me feel better. I petted him and told him how much I loved him. I told him how sorry I was that I wasn’t there in his final moments. I reassured him that I never intended for him to be scared. I told him that I’m his mommy, and I would do anything to change what happened.

We didn’t know that this would be our only family photo with Jasper.  “I love you, buddy.”

And in that moment, he seemed to know.  I don’t know if it was the breeze that moved his fur or a sigh from beyond, but he knew how much I loved him and he found a way to let me know that he loved me too.

Goodbye, my sweet Jasper. I’ll always love you.